“What are you looking so far up the mountains. You are the only man this time of the day, 20km either way” the voice said. “I don’t know, but I haven’t found”, I replied. “You’re on the road for a month. And you’ve done this many times before” the voice said, “Do you not understand that I am here? You don’t have to look?”
I smiled. Alone in a small tent in the middle of a moonless night which itself was in the middle of a vast snowfield up at 13,050ft. No phones. Only a bicycle colder than the 6ft of snow it stood against. But I was home. I felt a warm glow down my throat. It couldn’t be the alcohol because I never violated the rule of not drinking on the road. It must be that I’d found what I wasn’t looking for.
10 years passed with many conversations, him and me, as friends. With no real meaning. One day I said “I want more. I’m not happy”. He said, “what do you want now?” “I don’t know,” I said, “but I want more love”. “OK”, he said, “you can have all of it, you can be my son, if you can be their father”, he pointed to a small dog looking at me from the corner of my house. Kavya looked at me waiting for an answer.
I never again went to meet him at a temple or anywhere. The son of God. Now I was fearless, and it gets to your head. The situation turned, as it always does. I fell from a cliff, hit every rock on the way, and it was a long long way down. I lay bloodied and dying and I cried, bitterly but under my breath. “What do you cry about? The pain?” he appeared. “I’d never cry of pain”, it was a rebuke, “I’m your son”, I shouted back. He smiled, “Do you not understand I do not take care of any one thing. I can’t take care of you. I make the rules to run the
universe, and then I can only watch because touching it would violate the condition of having the rules in the first place”. I gasped, “so you didn’t leave me?”. “I’ll never love you less as long as you take care of your children”, he said.
(I wrote this on Shivaratri Feb 2017 and is an actual 1st person account. Through my darkest hour I could never stop nor forget that I do God’s work. And they are my children)